The Misadventures of Poopie McGee
by CheesyGoom
Summary: The Philosopher's Stone. Poopie McGee travels to Hogwarts for his first year of school, and meets three wacky girls! Lemo, Andy and Cheesy become Poopie's best friends, and they go on many wacky adventures.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N – This is going to be a side story about my brother, Poopie McGee and his misadventures. My brother (whose real name shall remain unknown) wanted me to write this, so I did. HAPPY NOW, POOPIE! And by the way, I'm changing the story. A _lot_. Sorry J.K Rowling.**

**Disclaimer – I do not own Harry Potter and co. who shall appear randomly throughout the story.**

_**The Misadventures of Poopie McGee**_

_**The Philosopher's Stone**_

**_CHAPTER 1 – The Misadventure at the Reptile House_**

There was something strange about the boy who lived at number 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging. There were many things strange about him.

Strange things happened around him.

He wasn't like the normal boys that lived near/with him.

He hated his home more than anything in the world.

He was a wizard.

He had a friend named Poopie McGee, who lived in his closet.

Now, the boy's family didn't know about Harry's friend, Poopie McGee. Poopie chose to only come out at night. There was something strange about Poopie, as well. And if there was one thing Poopie _couldn't_ do, it was get onto MSN.

He was nocturnal.

Strange things happened around him.

He could turn into a bat.

His eyes were red (like Voldemort's. Ooooh.)

He was a vampire.

Poopie's eyes were indeed red, and his skin was indeed pale. He dressed only in black clothes, and only came out at night, which I have already mentioned. But the strangest thing of all was Poopie had been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Harry had suspected that he was different for quite some time now, but when the letter came for Poopie instead of him, he was heartbroken. His best friend of eleven years would be leaving him in just two months, and wouldn't be back until the next year, for six weeks. Or something like that. And on top of that, Harry knew that Poopie would probably get more friends. Friends of his own kind. Wait a minute… Harry _was_ going to Hogwarts! He remembered a few days ago when a letter had come for him. His uncle, Vernon Dursley, had ripped it up, claiming it to be a mistake. And then the next day, some more letters came. All addressed to Harry. After these letters had come, Harry had moved into his cousin Dudley's second bedroom. It wasn't the biggest room in the house, but it was bigger than his cupboard under the stairs, which he had once shared with Poopie.

"Poopie, we need to talk", Harry said. There was something in Harry's voice that Poopie didn't like. Not one bit. His voice was quiet, almost sad. But Poopie, being the good friend he was, climbed out of his cupboard, and stared intently at Harry. "Poopie, I want you to promise me, when you go to this 'Hogwarts' school, you won't make any other friends", Harry said. Poopie remained silent. You'd be lucky to get even one word out of him. But surprisingly, Poopie went against his own non-speaking rule to say,

"You want me to be a loner?"

Harry sighed. This wasn't what he wanted at all. Or was it? Harry was so confused. For some time now, there was nothing Harry wanted more than to have Poopie meet his family – the Dursleys. But then Harry had decided against it. He knew what his family was like. They weren't a very open family, and didn't take kindly to anything that was different. "Poopie, I want you to have friends. But I don't want you to forget about me."

Poopie let out a laugh that sounded more like a high-pitched squeal. "Forget about _you_? Harry, how can I forget about _you_? I live with you twenty-four/seven! It's kinda hard to forget about you!" This cheered Harry up greatly. But what made Harry most happy was what came next. "And besides, I can't forget about you even if I wanted to. Because you're coming to Hogwarts with me", Poopie said. Harry was ecstatic! _He_ would be going to Hogwarts with his best friend! At that precise moment, nothing could have made Harry unhappy. That was until his uncle's voice came up the stairs. "Harry, get downstairs and flip the bacon!" Vernon said rudely. And then came Dudley's voice.

"And stop talking to yourself!"

Harry's face drooped sadly. "Poopie, you have to go back into the cupboard." Poopie let out his high-pitched squeal laugh.

"I think not, mortal. I can turn myself invisible, ya know?" And so, Poopie indeed turned himself invisible, and followed Harry into the kitchen.

Once in the kitchen, Harry proceeded to flip the bacon, whilst Vernon, Dudley, and his aunt, Petunia, talked about what would be happening that day. Because it was Dudley's birthday that precise day, the Dursleys would be going to the zoo, along with Dudley's friend Pier. "Bad news, Vernon", Petunia said unhappily.

"What's wrong, Petunia?" Vernon asked.

"Mrs. Figg has broken her leg. She can't baby-sit _him_ –" Petunia shot a dirty look at Harry "- today."

"Well what are we going to do with him? I'm not having him ruin Dudders' birthday", Vernon said.

"I could always stay here!" Harry said. Poopie noticed that there was a hopeful tone in Harry's voice.

"And come home to ruins? I don't think so. You're coming with us", Vernon said. Harry looked in the direction of Poopie, and the two of them held a silent cheer. If Harry was going to the zoo, there was no way he'd let Poopie miss out!

So Vernon, Petunia, Dudley, Pier and Harry all piled into the car, and Poopie was strapped to the bottom of the car.

Many bumps and bruises later, they arrived at the zoo. And naturally, Dudley and Pier wanted to go straight to the Reptile House. So off they went. Poopie made sure to trail slightly behind until they reached the Reptile House. "Make it move!" Dudley said, pointing to a large, sleeping snake. Vernon tapped on the glass. "Do it again!" Dudley said. Vernon did it again, but the snake continued to sleep. "This is _boring_", Dudley whined. So he and Pier moved to a different part of the Reptile House. Poopie and Harry stayed with the snake. The snake lifted its head, and looked at them. "I'm sorry about them. They're a bunch of idiots", Harry said.

"_Itsssssssss okay_", the snake said. Harry fell over.

"You can _talk_?" he hissed.

"_Yessssssss._" Harry was scared. Majorly freaked out. He almost pooped himself. But having Poopie around seemed to calm him down slightly.

"Hey daddy! The snake moved!" Dudley said, suddenly running over. "It looks scared. Maybe it saw Harry's face." Petunia and Vernon laughed at Dudley's poor excuse for a joke. Harry suddenly got very angry. So angry that his face went red.

…just kidding. All of a sudden, the glass disappeared, and the snake slithered out. "_Thanksssssss mate_", the snake said.

"No worries!" Harry said cheerfully. He and Poopie watched the snake slithered away.

"YOU!" Vernon said angrily.

"I didn't do it!" Harry said quickly. Vernon frowned.

"I was just going to point out that your hair was messy again, but AHA! Sounding pretty guilty there!"

Harry sighed. "I still didn't do anything." And with that, he and Poopie turned on their heels and walked back to the car.

**A/N – That's Chapter 1 done! Hope you liked it! It'll get better, I guess. Next chapter they'll probably meet Hagrid. Yay for Hagrid!**

**Ta ta for now**

**CtC (Cheesy the Cheeseball)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N – Chapter 2 is here! Yay! This chapter will feature appearances by Lemo (the Lemon), Long Live the Pickles, Winston, and Mince Sauce. On with the disclaimer!**

**Disclaimer – I do not own any of the Harry Potter cast and/or crew. Nor do I own Lemo, Andy, Winston, Mince Sauce and/or Poopie McGee. They have all _willingly_ given me permission to use them in my story.**

_**The Misadventures of Poopie McGee**_

**_CHAPTER 2 – Diagon Alley_**

It had been a month since the Reptile House incident, and Vernon had gotten angry at all the Hogwarts letters that had come for Harry. Of course, he didn't realise that Poopie had gotten his Hogwarts letter, _and_ what he needed for school. Anyways, since Vernon had gotten angry at all the owls that had come for Harry, so he decided to move the family and Poopie to a faraway hut on a lonely island somewhere. After everyone had unpacked, they had all been tired. Dudley had been given a couch to sleep on, and Harry was forced to sleep on the cold, hard ground, along with Poopie.

On the first night of staying there, Harry got a visitor.

_KNOCK KNOCK!_

Two loud knocks sounded at the door. "Who's there!" Vernon called, coming down the stairs whilst holding a rifle of some sort.

"I suggest yeh let me in before the rain soaks into me coat!" roared a voice from outside. Vernon, being the pansy he was, didn't open the door, but stood his ground at the stairs. Suddenly, the door burst open and a giant (well half giant, but you don't find that out until the fourth book) man stepped into the house. "I can fix tha'", he said, referring to the door on the ground. He looked around the room, his eyes landing on Harry. "Well, well, well. If it isn't Harry!" he said.

"Erm… do I know you?" Harry asked, casting a nervous glance at the now invisible Poopie.

"Do yeh know me? I'm the one who took you from the wreckage at your house!" the man said. "Name's Rubeous Hagrid, but yeh can call me Hagrid." Harry nodded, casting another glance at Poopie.

"Excuse me… but who are you?" Vernon asked nervously. He was a bit slow on the uptake.

"I jus' told Harry 'ere who I was", Hagrid said. "Anyways, I'm here to take Harry to Diagon Alley."

"Where?" Harry asked. Poopie slapped his forehead. This boy didn't know _anything_.

"Diagon Alley, o' course!" Hagrid said. "On'y the best Wizard place around!"

"Er… is it?" Harry asked.

"O' course it is! Jeez, don' you know _anything_, boy?" Hagrid asked. Poopie could have answered that one easily…

"Erm…"

"You're a _wizard_, Harry!" Hagrid said. Harry opened his mouth to tell Hagrid that he already knew that, but decided against it.

"Erm… I can't be a wizard! I'm just Harry!"

"Well, 'Jus' Harry', yeh coming with me whether the Muggles like it or not!" Hagrid said.

"I can't help but think this word 'Muggle' is an insult towards me!" Vernon said.

"Ah, yeh not as stupid as I thought, Dursley. Anyway, Harry, yeh famous!" Hagrid said.

"I am?" Again, Poopie smacked himself on the forehead. He was a _vampire_ and he knew more than Harry did. But, who was he to badmouth his best friend of eleven years?

"Yeh the on'y person who survived an attack from You-Know-Who!" Hagrid said.

"Who?" Harry asked.

"You-Know-Who! Don' ask me to say his name… it's too scary…"

"Write it down?"

"Can' spell it, can I? Okay, his name is… _Voldemort_…" As he said his name, Hagrid shuddered.

"Voldemort?"

"_Don't say it out loud, boy!_" Hagrid hissed.

"Sorry."

"Anyways, he's the one who killed yeh parents!"

"WHAT!" Harry shot a furious glare at the Dursleys. "_You_ told me they died in a car crash!"

"A car crash? A _car crash_? A car crash wouldn't have killed James and Lily Potter! Blimey, they didn't even _own_ a car!" Hagrid said furiously. "Well boy, yeh coming with me now!"

"Wait!" Harry said as Hagrid went to leave.

"Wha'?"

"…I can't find Poopie…"

"I'm right here." Poopie became visible, and followed Harry and Hagrid out of the hut.

Harry, Hagrid and Poopie climbed into a boat that magically flew to London. "Alrigh' now that we're here, we've gotta go to Diagon Alley", Hagrid said. "This way!" And he was off, with Poopie and Harry hurrying along behind him.

An hour or so later, they arrived at a place called 'The Leaky Cauldron'. "Ah! The usual, Hagrid?" Tom, the barkeeper, asked.

"Not today, Tom! On official Hogwarts business!" Hagrid said, puffing his chest out proudly. They left the bar, and stood in front of a brick wall.

"Great place this 'Diagon Alley'", Poopie said. "Nothing but brick, I see."

"Poopie, since when did you start talking so much?" Harry asked.

"Can't answer now, Harry, the bricks are moving." And indeed the bricks _were_ moving.

"Welcome to Diagon Alley!" Hagrid said proudly. "Now firs' yeh going to need money. We can get that at Gringotts."

"Got my money already", Poopie said. "Went there last night."

"Well, yeh can wait until Harry and I have finished." And so Poopie did wait. Whilst waiting, Poopie noticed some rather… _weird_ girls skipping towards him. One girl had black hair, green eyes and pale skin, and she was wearing all black. The other girl had brown hair with blonde highlights, blue eyes and slightly darker skin then her friends, and she too, was wearing all black. Both girls were singing at the top of their lungs.

"IT'S A VIOLENT PORNOGRAPHY! CHOKING CHICKS AND SODOMY! THE KINDA SHIT YOU GET ON YOUR TV!"

Poopie had to cover his ears. "Aaahhh! My ears! It's horrible! Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!" he screamed. As if they heard him (which they probably did), both girls stopped singing, and looked at Poopie. "HI! What's your name? I'm Lemo!" the girl with black hair said.

"And I'm Andy!" the girl with brown hair added. Poopie looked at them.

"I'm Poopie. Poopie McGee."

"Poopie's a stupid name!" Andy said.

"So is Andy!" Poopie shot back.

"Poopie? What's going on?" Harry asked as he and Hagrid walked out of Gringotts. Andy and Lemo squealed happily.

"OH MY GOD YOU'RE HARRY POTTER! THE BOY WHO LIVED!" Andy screamed.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" And Lemo just plain screamed. Harry's eyes widened.

"Erm… do I know you?"

"That's Lemo, and that's Andy", Poopie said.

"Oh… hello!"

"Well Harry, we should go and get your books and such", Hagrid said.

"Poopie, are you coming?" Harry asked.

"Eh… I'll just stay with Lemo and Andy", Poopie replied. Harry's face fell sadly.

"Oh… okay then…" he said, and walked off with Hagrid. His best friend of eleven years was ditching him for two girls he had just met…

Poopie watched his friend walk away, before turning back to Lemo and Andy. "So…" he said.

"Your eyes are red", Andy pointed out.

"And your skin is really pale", Lemo added.

"I'm a vampire", Poopie said. Lemo and Andy gasped.

"REALLY!" When Poopie nodded, they screamed happily.

Harry sighed. 'I bet he's telling them one of his funny jokes…' he thought sadly. Then something snapped in the back of his mind. 'Poopie doesn't tell jokes!' he thought. This cheered Harry up greatly. "Alrigh' Harry, you need yeh books and uniform. Why don't yeh get the uniform, and I'll get yeh books?" Hagrid said.

"Sure, sounds good!" Harry smiled brightly, and the two separated.

"An' I'll get yeh a birthday present while I'm at it!" Hagrid called back. Harry nodded and waved, and walked into Madam Malkin's Robes for all Occasions.

"Hogwarts?" Madam Malkin asked. Harry nodded, and stood next to another boy, who was also getting robes.

"Hogwarts?" the boy asked. Harry nodded again.

"What house do you suppose you'll be in?" the boy asked.

"Uhh… house?" Harry asked uncertainly.

"I expect I'll be in Slytherin. Can you imagine being in _Gryffindor_? That would be _embarrassing_!" the boy said.

"Err… sure it would!" Harry said.

"Harry!" Hagrid knocked on the window, and held up a cage that held a white snowy owl. "I got yeh present!" Harry smiled happily, and waved.

"Poopie, come with us!" Andy said.

"We're gunna go get so ice cream!" Lemo added. The two girls started to pull Poopie towards the ice cream store.

"Uh, hello? Vampire? I can only drink blood", Poopie said.

"Duh! They'll have _blood_ flavoured ice creams, silly!" Andy said, whilst Lemo laughed hysterically. Poopie shrugged.

"No thanks. I don't eat ice cream." Andy and Lemo started at him like he was an alien from another planet.

"You _what_!"

"I don't eat ice cream…"

"I knew it!" Lemo said, whilst Andy cried in the background. "What kind of freak doesn't eat ice cream!" Poopie raised whatever eyebrow it was that he had.

An hour or so had passed. It was time for Poopie to meet up with Harry and Hagrid. He _was_ having a good time with Lemo and Andy, but he couldn't let Harry see that. He knew it would break Harry's heart to see that Poopie had made new friends without him. 'Ugh, why do I even _care_ about that guy? He kept me in a cupboard for eleven years!' Poopie thought.

"Poopie!" Harry called, waving. Poopie waved back reluctantly. He kept his face neutral – free of any emotion whatsoever.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N – First off, I would like to thank my mum, my brother Sean, and my brother Aaron, who is also known as Poopie McGee. Without them, I wouldn't have them. Next I'd like to thank Winston, for being there when times were tough. Also, I'd like to thank Lemo and Andy. Andy, because she's cool, and Lemo, cause I spoke to her on the phone, and it was so awkward. Lol. And last, but not least, I'd like to thank Mince Sauce, for giving me the inspiration that I needed to write this story. And now, on with the disclaimer!**

**Disclaimer – Obviously you already know that I don't own Harry Potter, or his spider-hating friend Ron, or his know-it-all bitch, Hermione (No offence to Hermione lovers). So why must I keep telling you that I don't? Because I'll get sued, that's why. –Glares at monkey lawyers- They suck. Don't _ever_ hire monkeys to be your lawyers. Go with cheese, people. Cheese will show you the way. Like the yellow brick road. –sighs- I always liked that movie… oh, and on another note, I don't own Poopie McGee, Lemo, Andy, Winston, or Mince Sauce. **

…**that was a long disclaimer…**

_**The Misadventures of Poopie McGee**_

**_CHAPTER 3 – Platform 9¾, and the Hogwarts Express_**

Life had been pretty quiet for Harry and Poopie since meeting Hagrid. That was probably because Hagrid had given Dudley a pig's tail. Or because he had threatened to change Dudley into a full pig if the Dursley's mistreated Harry again. But it was now October 31st, the night before Poopie and Harry would get on the train to Hogwarts. But first, they needed a ride to the train station. So Harry gave it a shot – he asked his uncle for a ride.

"Uncle Vernon?"

"What is it, boy? This is a very interesting paper you know, and I don't want to lose my spot. Spit it out!" Vernon said rudely. Harry took a deep breath, and asked,

"Would you be able to give me and Poopie a ride to the train station?"

Vernon's coffee fell to the floor. His face went red. He looked like a tomato. Had he been a tomato, Harry could've entered him into a vegetable competition, and won. But unfortunately, Vernon wasn't a tomato. He still looked like one, though.

"So, that _thing_ got into Hogwarts too, did it?" Vernon asked.

"First off, Poopie is a _vampire_ and secondly, yes, yes he did", Harry replied.

"Alright then, boy. I'll give you your ride to the train station. Hell, I'll pick you up at the end of the school year. But you stay there for _every single holiday_ there is. Got that?"

"Yes."

"Good. Get out of my sight."

And that's exactly what Harry did. As he walked into his room, Poopie asked the first question he could think of,

"Will anyone willingly give up their lives so I can have a drink?"

Harry stopped. Harry stared. Harry burst out laughing. "Willing – haha – give you – haha – a drink – haha – of blood? I don't – haha – think so!" he said. Poopie frowned. He didn't see what was so funny about his question. He was serious. He had a serious look on his face. That was it! There must've been something on his face! Poopie's hand flew to his face, and searched every single bit of skin there was. But he couldn't find anything. So what on earth was Harry laughing at? It _must _have been the question! "Harry", Poopie began, careful to use a serious tone, "I am one hundred percent serious about this question. How do you think I'll survive without blood?" Harry stopped laughing.

"Drink tomato juice, of course!" he said. Nothing was more upsetting than hearing your best friend telling you to drink tomato juice.

"Tomato juice? _Tomato juice_? Mortal, how the hell do you think I'll survive on _tomato juice_? It doesn't even taste _relatively _like blood!" Poopie said. Harry stared at his friend. Was he, Poopie McGee, calling him, Harry Potter, a _mortal_? Well, it was true. But he was a _wizard_! Didn't that count for _anything_? But Harry, being the awesome friend he was, let the insult slide, and just glared at Poopie. "Go to bed, Poopie", Harry said, lying down on his own bed. Poopie rolled his eyes, and did just that – he went to bed.

The next morning came quickly for the two wizards. Both got up at a respectable hour – eight o'clock. Both got ready in a record amount of time. Once again, the Dursley's, and Harry, piled into the car, with Poopie strapped to the bottom. They mistreated Poopie so badly, but he didn't seem to notice. Or he noticed, and didn't care. Or he noticed, and cared, but couldn't be bothered doing anything about it. Anyways, back to the story. It was about ten thirty when they arrived at Kings Cross Station. "What platform do you have to go on, boy?" Vernon asked. Harry checked his ticked.

"Umm… platform nine and three quarters", he said. Vernon, Petunia and Dudley burst out laughing.

"Platform nine and three quarters? Good luck trying to find it, boy! Have fun at your imaginary school!" Vernon said, and the three Dursley's left the station in a fit of laughter. Harry looked at Poopie worriedly.

"Think they're right? Think there's no platform?" he asked.

"They never said anything about no platform. They said 'Good luck trying to find it, boy!'. In those words exactly", Poopie replied.

"Ugh, packed with Muggles, as always…" a red-headed woman said disgustedly. At the sound of the word 'Muggles', Harry perked up, and dragged his trunk, and Poopie, over towards the woman and her family.

"Alright Fred, you go first!" the woman said.

"I'm not Fred! I'm George!" a boy said. "Honestly, call yourself our mother…"

"Oh, sorry George. Off you go."

"Just kidding mum, I am Fred!" And with that, the boy ran straight into a brick wall. Literally, he ran into it. No joke! Look, I know what I'm talking about, okay? Okay, on with the story… Harry walked over to the woman and her children.

"Um, excuse me?"

"Yes dear?"

"How do you get onto the –"

"The platform?"

"Hey, don't interrupt!" Poopie said. Harry nudged him, and looked at the woman again.

"Yes, the platform."

"That's easy, dear. Just run through the barrier."

Poopie rolled his eyes. "I could've told you that much…"

"Shut up, Poopie", Harry said, looking at the wall nervously. Poopie rolled his eyes again, and ran at the wall, going straight through it.

"Hey! HEY POOPIE! Over here!" Poopie looked in the direction of the voice, and groaned. It was Lemo and Andy. And they had a weasel, and a lamb with them. "Poopie, this is Winston. That's Mince Sauce", Lemo said. Poopie grunted.

"And _that_ is our friend Cheesy", Andy added, pointing to another girl. This girl had dark brown hair, and blue eyes, and was wearing her Hogwarts uniform, singing at the top of her lungs. Poopie sighed. "Let me guess – she's exactly like you in every way?"

"YES! Snaps for Poopie!" Andy said, whilst Lemo nodded.

"Poopie?" Harry said as he came through the barrier.

"Oh, right… you remember Andy and Lemo don't you?" Poopie asked, and Harry nodded. "Well that's their friend, Cheesy."

"Cool. Come on, Poopie, we need to find a compartment", Harry said.

"Oh! Oh! Come with us!" Lemo said happily.

"Yeah! We're sharing it with that red-headed guy over there. Think his name was Don…" Andy said.

"No, it was Jon…" Lemo said.

"Was it?" Andy asked.

"It was Ron! My name is Ron!" the red-head said.

"Is that you lord!" Andy asked, looking up at the sky.

Later on in the compartment, Andy, Lemo and Cheesy had started singing.

"A-wimbo-weh-a-wimbo-weh-a-wimbo-weh… IN THE JUNGLE! THE MIGHTY JUNGLE! THE LION SLEEPS TONIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"

Poopie groaned. He didn't know how much more singing he could take… it felt like his ears were going to burst. Luckily, another girl came to their rescue. "Excuse me, has anyone seen a toad? Neville's lost one!" the girl said. Everyone shook their heads, and the girl now looked at Ron. "Oh! Are you doing magic? Let's see then!" she said. Ron looked nervous, but pointed his wand at a fat rat sleeping on his lap.

"Sunshine, daisies,

Butter, mellow,

Turn this stupid

Fat rat yellow!"

As suspected, it didn't work. "Are you sure that's a _real_ spell? Well it's not very good, is it? I've tried a few on my own, and they all worked. Oh my god! _You're_ Harry Potter! And you are …?"

"Ron. Ron Weasley!"

"Pleasure. Anyway, I've read all about _you_!"

"Err…"

"_My_ name is Hermione Granger. I know all about you, Harry! You should probably change into your robes now. _I've _just been up the front, and the driver said we're going to be there soon."

Harry and Ron nodded meekly, and Hermione went to leave, stopping at the door. "Oh, and by the way – you've got a bit of dirt… on your nose… just _there_. Did you know?" she said, before walking out of the compartment.

"Bit if a mental case, isn't she?" Ron asked.

"Off her rocker, she is", Harry agreed. Both looked at Poopie, expecting him to say some sort of insult.

"Mental case? Off her rocker? What the hell is wrong with you people? Can't you think of any good insults? It's _obvious_ that she's a stuck-up bitch!" Poopie said, and proceeded to mutter about the stupid insults Harry and Ron had come up with.

"MY COCK IS MUCH BIGGER THAN YOURS! MY COCK CAN WALK RIGHT THROUGH THE DOOR! WITH A FEELING SO PURE!"

Harry, Ron and Poopie groaned. The girls had started singing again.

**A/N – I hope you enjoyed it. Next chapter, they'll be sorted into their houses. Harry and Ron will take an immediate disliking to Draco Malfoy. What house with Poopie be sorted into? Can he prove to the sorting hat that vampires can be brave and loyal? Or will the sorting hat use the stereotype that all vampires are cold-hearted monsters, and sort him into Slytherin? Tune in next time for _The Misadventures of Poopie McGee_!**

**CtC (Cheesy the Cheeseball)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N – Okay, 'thank you's' aside, welcome to the new chapter. Chapter 3. This is the chapter where they will get sorted. Harry and Ron will take an instant disliking to Draco Malfoy and his buddies, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle. But what about Poopie? It seems Harry and Ron have become close. Also, what house will the hat sort Poopie into? Slytherin? Gryffindor? The others? Well, you'll find out… _now_! WHOO! First, the disclaimer that we all love _so much_… NOT!**

**Disclaimer – I do (not) own Harry Potter, or his friends. But who would want to? Anyways, I also don't own Lemo and Andy. Mince Sauce and Winston. But I _do_ own Cheesy, because _that_ is _me_. And I own Cheesy's pet, Sprinkles the pig. I also don't own Poopie McGee, because he is my brother/my brother's creation. Now, on with the story!**

_**The Misadventures of Poopie McGee**_

**_CHAPTER 4 – Meeting Professor McGonagall and Getting Sorted_**

"So it's true then?" a voice asked. Harry, Ron, Poopie, Andy, Lemo and Cheesy all turned around to face a boy with pale skin, a pointed nose, and blonde hair. Two larger boys stood behind him, flexing their muscles. "The famous Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts?" the boy said. Harry frowned.

"Where else would I go? This is the only magical school around, isn't it?" he asked. The boy and his friends laughed.

"Oh you are a crack up, Harry Potter. My name is Draco. Draco Malfoy", the boy said. "That's Crabbe, and that's Goyle." Ron snorted, causing Draco to look at him. "Got something to say, do you? Well, no need to ask who _you_ are. Red hair, freckles, and hand-me down robes. Why, _you're_ a Weasley! You don't want to be making friends with his lot, Harry. Stick with me, and you'll make the right friends." Draco extended his hand. Harry looked at it, and then at Draco.

"I think I can tell that for myself, thanks", Harry said.

"You'll regret saying that, Potter." Draco then left.

Someone tapped on Harry's shoulder, and he turned around. "Good evening first years. I am Professor McGonagall. In a few moments, you will pass through these doors, and join your housemates. However, before you can do this, you must be sorted into your house. The houses are Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and… Slytherin." Professor McGonagall had said Slytherin with a disgusted tone in her voice. "Follow me please." McGonagall started walking into the Great Hall. The first year students looked around the Great Hall nervously, whilst the older students watched them interestedly. A few of the students were 'ooohing' and 'aaahing' over the ceiling. "It's not real you know. I read in _Hogwarts; A History_ that they bewitched the ceiling to make it look like the night sky", Hermione said.

"When I call your name, you will sit on this stool, and put this hat on your head", McGonagall said. The first years nodded, and she started reading out names.

"Abbot, Hannah!" A red-headed girl ran to the stool, and put the hat on her head. A few seconds later, she ran to the Hufflepuff table.

"Granger, Hermione!"

"Oh no… okay, just stay calm…" Hermione walked slowly to the hat, and put in on her hair, looking scared.

"Mental case, that one…" Ron commented. Harry nodded in agreement, and Poopie started muttering about their stupid insults again.

"GRYFFINDOR!" Hermione jumped off the stool, and ran to the Gryffindor table.

"Weasley, Ronald!" Ron's eyes widened, and he sat on the stool.

"_Ah, another Weasley, I see. I know just what to do with you…_" the hat said.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Kently, Rianna!" Cheesy stood where she was, looking around the Great Hall. Lemo and Andy nudged her from each side.

"OW! Bitches!" Cheesy muttered.

"You've just been called", Lemo muttered. Cheesy's eyes went round.

"Oh!" And with that, Cheesy ran to the stool, and shoved the hat on her head.

"_Hmm… never had a Kently here before… Dunno what to do with you… Oh! I'm the hat, of course I do…_"

"GRYFFINDOR!" Cheesy took the hat off, and ran to the Gryffindor table.

"Patil, Padma!"

"RAVENCLAW!"

"Patil, Parvarti!"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Potter, Harry!" The Great Hall erupted into whispers, and Harry nervously approached the hat. Professor Dumbledore, the Headmaster, leaned forward in his seat. It was from then on that he knew… he would favour Harry Potter for the rest of his school years…

"_You could be great in SLytherin…_"

"Not Slytherin…" Harry whispered.

"_Not Slytherin, eh? Well then, better be… _GRYFFINDOR!" Harry sighed in relief, and went to the Gryffindor table. Dumbledore clapped loudly with the Gryffindors.

"Rose, Amber!" Andy looked around obliviously until Lemo pushed her towards the chair.

"'Lo hat…" was the last thing Andy said before the hat was placed on her head.

"GRYFFINDOR!" Andy ran to join Cheesy.

"Roberts, Leah!"

"THAT'S YOU LEMO!" Cheesy and Andy shouted.

"Nah, YA THINK!" Lemo shouted back, shoving the hat on her head.

"GRYFFINDOR!" And so, Lemo went to join her friends…

"McGee, Poopie!" Poopie put the hat on his head, and waited.

"_Hmm… a vampire, huh? Well, I know where to put you…_"

"No, wait! Vampires can be brave and loyal too!" Poopie whispered.

"_No, vampire, your kind is always cold-hearted, and killers. You care about no one except yourself and your companions_."

"Well there you go, we don't just care about ourselves", Poopie said.

"_Yeah, well… SHUT UP!_"

"Put in Gryffindor and I will."

"_Fine… _GRYFFINDOR!" And so, Poopie went to join Harry and Ron at the Gryffindor table.

"Percy, who's that teacher?" Harry asked, pointing to Professor Snape.

"That's Professor Snape, the Potions Master. It's rumored that he wants the Defence Against the Dark Arts position, and will do anything to get it", Percy replied. Harry looked at Snape, and his scar started to hurt.

"Ow…" Poopie and Ron looked at him.

"What's up?" Ron asked, but Poopie already knew… there was something about Snape that he didn't like… he didn't like him one bit…

**A/N – Well there you go, Chapter 4. I was seriously thinking of putting Poopie in Slytherin, and then having Harry be all like "You betrayed me" and such. Maybe I'll just make Poopie become friends with the Slytherins… hmm… anyways, hope you liked the story. SMILES: -) **

**CtC (Cheesy the Cheeseball)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N – Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I'm suffering from a bad case of Writers Block. They had to take me to the kitchen just to fix it! A lot of chocolate, and I was back, and normal again. **

…**not really, but still…**

**Disclaimer – I, Cheesy the Cheeseball, do _not_ own any Harry Potter characters. They are all J.K Rowling's mindless slaves. I also do not own Lemo, Andy, Winston or Mince Sauce. Poopie McGee I also do not own, as he is the creation of my brother's crazy mind. I _do_, however, own Cheesy, as she is me, and I am her. You get the point. Also, Pickled Lemon Cheeseballs are _my_ creation! –dances-**

_**The Misadventures of Poopie McGee**_

_**CHAPTER 5 – The First Potions Class**_

The first night at Hogwarts had been uneventful. Harry, Poopie and Ron had had no more encounters with Draco Malfoy, nor had they seen Hermione Granger, who they suspected was off trying to get smarter (if that was even possible). Harry was happy, Ron was happy, and they _thought_ Poopie was happy, but boy were they wrong. Poopie thought Harry was a rather large hypocrite, having told he, Poopie, not to make any friends, and then Harry goes off and makes friends with the Weasel. But then again, Poopie had become rather close with Lemo, Cheesy and Andy. Well actually, the three girls had become rather close with the three boys. And no, none of them were dating. It had only been a _night_, for gods' sake! Anyways, it was now the morning of the first classes. Poopie, Harry, Ron, and the trio of girls had Potions first up, which everyone (except Cheesy, who seemed rather excited) was dreading. After hearing that the Potions Master, Professor Snape, was a rather big asshole, and that he favoured his own house over the rest, everyone knew they were in for a rough year.

"Poopie, hand me the maple syrup", Harry said. They were currently at breakfast. Poopie ignored Harry, and continued to listen to the mindless chatter of the three girls. "And then I threw a snowball at him, and he ran off. _Crying_!" Cheesy said. Andy and Lemo burst into laughter.

"What a girl!" Lemo said.

"What a crybaby!" Andy added.

"Poopie, _hand me the maple syrup_", Harry said. Poopie continued to ignore him. After all, the maple syrup was an arms length away from Harry, so why couldn't he get it himself? Harry opened his mouth to ask again, but Poopie turned around, and said rather angrily,

"It's _right there_! Get it your bloody self you lazy asshole!"

Harry looked rather shocked at Poopie's outburst. Never in eleven years had Poopie spoken to him like that. Poopie didn't know why he did it. He supposed it was because Harry had kept him locked up, and hidden for the first eleven years of his life. Poopie turned back to face Cheesy, Lemo and Andy. All three of them were staring at Poopie with awed expressions.

The time _finally_ came for Potions. Everyone slowly, and halfheartedly (except Cheesy) gathered their things, and walked slowly towards the dungeons. Cheesy, however, had a bounce in each step, and was singing rather loudly, and off-key. Pretty soon, Andy and Lemo had joined her in singing, and Poopie was bobbing his head in time with their singing. To be honest, he thought their singing was terrible, but he'd never tell them that. The three girls were the first friends Poopie had had that didn't lock him up, or hide him from other people. Not too far behind them, Harry watched on jealously. He had sung many times, and Poopie had not _once_ bobbed his head in time to the singing. Poopie had wasted no time in telling Harry that he was a horrible singer. "Poopie, do you love potions? I love potions!" Cheesy said happily. Poopie shrugged.

"I don't hate it, I don't like it…" he said.

"I hate it", Lemo said.

"I despise it with a passion", Andy added.

"I _love_ it!" Cheesy said. "How can you hate it?"

"Quite easily", Lemo said.

"Just like we hate Draco Malfoy", Andy added.

"I think we _all_ hate him. Hey, Poopie?" Cheesy asked. Poopie nodded in agreement, and the three girls started singing once more. Suddenly, Cheesy let out a squeal, and pointed happily. "There's the dungeons!" she said. "And _that_ must be Professor Snape!"

"The rumors were true, then…" Andy said.

"His hair _is_ greasy…" Lemo added.

The group entered the classroom, and sat down beside each other at the same table. Cheesy, Lemo, Andy and Poopie had chosen to sit right at the end together, whereas Ron and Harry were stuck with Hermione, sitting in the middle of the table.

"There will be no foolish wand-waving in this class", Snape said as he entered the dungeon. "I don't expect many of you to admire the art of potions. I don't, but I pretend to. Anyway, it looks like we have a new celebrity. Everybody give a warm welcome to Harry Potter." Harry looked up, alarmed. This was… unexpected. Snape sneered at Harry.

"Mr. Potter, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?" Snape asked. Down the table, Cheesy's hand had gone up excitedly, as had Hermione's. Harry shrugged.

"I don't know, sir."

Snape sneered. "What is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?"

Again, Harry shrugged. He didn't have a clue. Nobody seemed to know what Snape was talking about. Well, Cheesy and Hermione did, but that didn't count. "We'll try again", Snape said. "Where, Potter, would you look if I asked you to find me a bezoar?"

Cheesy let out a loud gasp, this time jumping out of her seat, and waving her hand around.

Snape ignored her, still watching Harry, who _clearly_ had no idea. Snape's upper lip curled triumphantly. "Clearly fame isn't everything, Potter", he said.

"I never said it was!" Harry protested. Snape ignored him.

"For your information, asphodel and wormwood make a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the Draught of Living Death. A bezoar is a stone found in the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons. And monkshood and wolfsbane are the same plant, which also goes by the name of aconite", Snape said. "Why aren't you all writing this down?"

There was a sudden flurry of movement as the students hurried to get their quills and parchments out. Cheesy, who was the happiest to be there, had already gotten her things out, and had been writing whilst Snape had been talking. Lemo and Andy were both copying down everything Cheesy wrote, so, just to be an idiot, Cheesy had written, "_I squeeze monkey butts for fun_" on her parchment, knowing Lemo and Andy would copy her.

The rest of Potions went without a fuss, and Snape, who seemed satisfied that Harry was a complete idiot, stopped picking on him.

**A/N – Again, sorry I took so long to update, but I updated! And yes, some of the quotes _are_ from the book. Thanks for reading!**

**CtC**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N – It has recently come to my attention that there is cheesecake in my fridge. WHY there is cheesecake in there is… my mum made it, so yeah. And now, I shall do this "Disclaimer" thingy my monkey lawyers are telling me to do. **

**Disclaimer – I do not own Harry Potter and co. as they all belong to the totally awesome J.K Rowling who has blessed us with a good book to read when we're bored. I make no profit from this story, which sucks cause I need the money for my New Zealand Savings Fund. YES, I am going to New Zealand to see my good friendlies, Lemo, Andy, and Jub, who I don't talk to. Wow, that had _nothing_ to do with a disclaimer. Also, I do not own Andy, Lemo, Mince Sauce, Winston or Poopie McGee as they are all mindless slaves of some guy named Bob.**

…**not really…**

_**The Misadventures of Poopie McGee**_

_**CHAPTER 6 – Draco, The Poof, Challenges Harry To A Midnight Duel**_

"Well, that lesson wasn't so bad, was it?" Cheesy asked happily as she, Andy, Lemo, Harry, Ron and Poopie left the dungeons. Harry glared at her.

"Not that bad?" he said, "Snape was picking on me! For no reason!"

"Harry, I'm _sure_ he had a reason to be such a poof", Lemo said.

"_You're_ only saying that because Cheesy gave you answers!" Harry said.

"Dude, calm down!" Andy said. "Cheesy wrote 'I squeeze monkey butts for fun' on her paper, and me and Lemo copied it!"

"But Snape didn't pick on you!" Harry said.

"Because he hates you and not us!" Ron said.

"But _why_!"

"Because you're _famous_!"

"I don't _want_ to be famous!"

"It's not our fault you survived You-Know-Who!"

"VOLDEMORT!"

Lemo, Cheesy and Andy shrieked, all dropping their bags and books and stuff. A soft smash could be heard, and Cheesy, Lemo and Andy rounded on Harry. "YOU MADE US DROP OUR INK!" Lemo shouted.

"WE _NEEDED_ THAT INK!" Andy added.

"IT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT GROWS ON CHEESE!" Cheesy added. Harry put his hands up in defense whilst Ron cowered behind him. Poopie was standing slightly to the side, looking at his fingernails. "Poopie! Help meee!" Harry said. Poopie ignored him, still looking at his fingernails. And, just to be a bitch, Poopie let out a fake gasp, holding his nails out for everyone to see.

"I've got a hangnail!"

Andy, Lemo and Cheesy gasped, all going to examine Poopie's nails. "That's a bad hangnail", Andy said.

"The worst I've ever seen", Cheesy added.

"Mine are worse", Lemo said boredly. Harry took this chance to duck into the Great Hall before the three crazed girls noticed he was gone. He thought he was safe, until…

"GET HIM!"

In a flash, Harry had been tackled to the ground, and was being poked at. "Quit it!"

"Buy us new ink!" Lemo said.

"Ink that changes colour!" Andy added.

"And…" Cheesy thought for a moment. "It had better be expensive!"

Only when Harry agreed to get them new ink did the three girls let him go. As a group, they all went to sit down and eat. Food. What else would they eat? Well, Poopie didn't eat. He just sat there, staring dreamily at all the students, imagining what a good meal they'd make. Soon, the mail had arrived. "Oh look! I got something from mum!" Ron said as a gross looking owl landed in front of him. Cheesy, Lemo and Andy looked at the owl in disgust.

"That's the _ugliest_ owl I've ever seen!" Lemo said, as three identical eagle owls landed in front of herself, Andy and Cheesy, each carrying boxes of candy and chocolate, as well as a lemon pie for Lemo, a cheesecake for Cheesy, and a pickle jar full of pickles for Andy. Neville Longbottom, some random guy who was put into the story, was looking at a ball that had been sent to him. "Nice Remembrall, Neville", Andy commented.

"What's a Remembrall?" Harry asked.

"It's a ball. Duh", Lemo said.

"It tells you when you've forgotten something", Hermione, who had just sat down, said. Ron screamed like a girl, as he hadn't noticed Hermione. Harry rolled his eyes at Ron, before looking at Hermione. "How can it tell you that?" he asked.

"When it turns red, it means you've forgotten something", Hermione said matter-of-factly. "And Neville, you've forgotten something."

Neville blinked, looking at his Remembrall. "Aw man, I can't remember what I've – HEY! GIVE THAT BACK, MALFOY!" Neville shouted. Harry and Ron jumped up, expecting Poopie to jump up with them. Poopie, however, sat where he was, watching Malfoy with an amused look in his eyes. Malfoy looked at Harry and Ron, his eyebrows raising. "Well, well, well… Potty and the Weasel. Are you going to help Fatbottom, here?" he asked.

"His name is _Long_bottom, Malfoy!" Harry said.

"Yes, but I also insulted you…" Malfoy said.

"And _nobody_ insults Neville!" Ron added, drawing his wand.

"Hey! You can't go fighting people in the Great Hall!" Lemo hissed.

"Do it somewhere where nobody will see you!" Andy added.

"Have a duel tonight at midnight!" Cheesy said.

Malfoy looked at Harry and Ron. "I'm game if you are!"

Before Harry could speak, Ron spoke up. "Of _course_ Harry's game! I'm his second! Who's yours?"

Malfoy looked at Crabbe, and then Goyle, as though trying to see who look less stupid. After about five minutes, he finally spoke up. "Crabbe is my second!"

"Fine! We'll see _you_ and _Crabbe_ tonight at twelve, in the empty Charms classroom", Ron said.

Malfoy and his goons left, and Harry and Ron sat down again. "So… what's a duel?" Harry asked. Lemo, Andy and Cheesy dropped their glasses of pumpkin juice.

"You _don't_ know what a _duel_ is!" Lemo asked.

"How _stupid_ are you!" Andy asked. Cheesy was sobbing silently into Lemo's robes, whilst Lemo patted her back soothingly. And so, Ron proceeded to tell Harry what a duel was.

**A/N – Next chapter – THE DUEL! WHOOOOOOO! Will Draco turn up? Or will he be a complete poof and not show up? I bet he'll be a complete poof. Tune in next time for _The Misadventures of Poopie McGee_!**

**CtC**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N – Okay guys, school has started up again, so I _may_ not update as much as I should. BUT I WILL TRY! OH HOW I WILL TRY! And the internet has been crappy, which is why it took me SO LONG to put Chapter 5 up. **

…**or was it Chapter 6? **

**Anyways, I'll get on with the Disclaimer now**

**Disclaimer – I, Cheesy the Cheeseball, do not own any Harry Potter characters. Nor do I own Lemo, Andy, Winston, Mince Sauce or Poopie McGee. Cheesy is mine, as she is me. I also own Turkled Picky Bears! OMG THEY ARE TEH BOMBAGE! Anyways, I'm done with the disclaimer.**

…**or am I? DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!**

_**CHAPTER 7 – The Duel**_

It was currently 11:45pm at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and Harry couldn't be any more nervous. He was nervous for two reasons. Firstly, because he was going to be sneaking out of the Common Room _after_ curfew, and _everybody_ knew that was against the rules. And secondly, he didn't know the first thing about dueling seeing as the only spell he knew was _Reparo_, which Hermione had used on the train to fix his glasses. Poopie couldn't be any happier. He was going to see Harry get beaten up. Since being at Hogwarts, Poopie had changed a lot. He saw things in a different perspective now. He thought that the Sorting Hat should have put him in Slytherin, just because he thought Draco was pretty cool. He also wondered what Draco's blood would taste like… a rich poof like that should have the sweetest tasting blood… Ron was currently pacing the Common Room, biting his fingernails nervously. He knew a lot of spells, but he was the worst wizard there was! Apart from Neville, that is. None of Ron's spells ever seemed to work, no matter how hard he tried.

Andy, Lemo and Cheesy were currently playing Exploding Snap, all laughing happily when the cards exploded. Next to Lemo was a weasel, which was named Winston, as Poopie had been told on the platform. Next to Andy was a lamb, which was Mince Sauce. And next to Cheesy was a pig, which Poopie didn't know the name to. So he decided to ask. "Cheesy?" he said. Cheesy looked up from her game in annoyance. But when she saw it was Poopie who had spoken, her facial features relaxed. "Sup, Poopie?" she asked.

"What's your pig's name?" Poopie asked. Cheesy looked pleased that he had asked. Lemo and Andy looked up from their card game to listen to Cheesy's story, which she had told over a hundred times already.

"Well Poopie, her name is Sparkles. How did she get that name, you ask?" Cheesy began.

"But I didn't ask…" Poopie said. Cheesy ignored him as though he hadn't spoken.

"Well, when Sparkles was just a wittle baby piggy, she was running through my room. Now, being me, I'm in love with sparkly things, so naturally, there were sparkles and glitter and crap like that around my room. Anyways, Sparkles was running through my room, and she tripped, and landed in the box of glitter that I had, making her all sparkly. So I called her Sparkles", Cheesy said.

Andy and Lemo started clapping as though that was the best story they had ever heard. Poopie raised whatever eyebrow it was that he had, and looked at Harry and Ron, who were standing up. "It's five to twelve, Poopie. You coming?" Harry asked. Poopie nodded. Like he'd miss a chance to see Harry get beaten up! Andy, Lemo and Cheesy followed the three boys towards the portrait hole, stopping because Hermione had jumped out of nowhere (Lemo and Andy suspected that she had been hiding behind a curtain) to tell them off. "You're not allowed out this late!" Hermione said.

"Shove off, Granger", Ron said.

"No! I'm not moving until you say that you're going to stay!"

"Well we're not going to stay! We have a duel to get to!"

Hermione gasped. "A _duel_? Ronald Weasley, you are a _first year_! Not to mention you completely suck when it comes to doing spells! And _Harry_! I expected _more_ from you! Honestly! You're the _Boy-Who-Lived_!"

"No, I'm just the Boy-Who-Got-Attacked-And-Somehow-Over-Threw-Voldemort's-Power!" Harry said. "Now get out of the way before Cheesy, Lemo and Andy attack you!"

Cheesy, Lemo and Andy bared their teeth, all three girls growling. Hermione stared at them, before looking at Harry and Ron again.

"Well, _I'm_ coming with you."

"WHAT! There's already _six_ of us going! And if we get caught, we're gunna say that Lemo, Andy and Cheesy went to the toilet, saw someone from Slytherin perving on them, and came back to get us! Do you think they'd believe us if we said that _you_ were there!" Harry asked.

"…yes…" Hermione said.

"No they wouldn't! Lemo, Andy and Cheesy don't even _like _you!"

Hermione crossed her arms stubbornly. "I'm still coming."

"_Fine_. But if anyone asks, you were coming to be a nosy little prat!" Ron said, pushing past her to get out of the common room.

"Thanks to you, we're late…" Poopie muttered, whilst Cheesy, Andy and Lemo nodded their agreement.

A few minutes later, they arrived at an empty classroom where they had agreed to meet Draco. As they opened the door, they were greeted with snoring. "…he fell asleep!" Lemo said incredulously.

"Um, Lemo?" Andy said nervously. "…that's not Malfoy…"

"It's not?"

"…that's Professor McGonagall…"

"SHIT!"

The inappropriate language woke McGonagall up. "Roberts! Rose! Kently! Potter! Weasley! Granger! McGee! Jeez that was a lot of names to say… What the hell are you doing in my room!"

"Err… looking for the toilet…?" Lemo said.

"WRONG ANSWER, ROBERTS!" McGonagall shouted. "FIFTY POINTS _EACH_ FROM GRYFFINDOR!"

"But Miss! It's your own house!" Harry said.

"POTTER! DO NOT QUESTION MY AUTHORITY!"

"Sorry, Professor…" Harry mumbled.

"I should think so! Now, you seven will all have detentions! _And_… no, wait, that's all I got. Back to your rooms! ALL OF YOU!"

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Lemo, Andy, Poopie and Cheesy left McGonagall's room in a hurry. "Wow, she was really angry…" Hermione said.

"She must _really_ like her sleep…" Lemo added.

"I like my sleep, too! But none of you care!" Cheesy said indignantly.

"Pfft, you don't like your sleep, Cheesy", Andy said.

"I do! Remember that sleepover at Lemo's house? I _wanted_ to sleep until twelve, but _noooo_! _You_ wanted to go swimming with the salmon! 'I _have_ to do it!' you said! And _Lemo_ wanted to go _just_ to keep me awake! _Have_ to go swimming with salmon… WHO THE HELL WANTS TO SWIM WITH _SALMON_!" Cheesy shouted.

"Take a deep breath, Cheesy…" Harry said. "In… and out… and in… and out…"

Cheesy glared at Harry, storming angrily into the Common Room when they gave the password.

**A/N – Well that's Chapter 7 done. Draco is such a poof. **

…**bet you weren't expecting McGonagall to be sleeping in an empty classroom, were you? DON'T LIE! LIES! ALL LIES! **

**Okay, I'm over it. **

**Until next time, lovelies! **

**CtC**

**P.S – From here on in, Poopie, Cheesy, Lemo and Andy will be the main characters, solving all the things Harry did and stuff. Harry, Ron and Hermione will still be in it, but not as much, ya know? And if you're wondering _why_ I'm doing this, it's because the story _is_ named The Misadventures of Poopie McGee, so Poopie McGee _should_ be the main character!**

**Love ya lovelies!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N – Okay, I'm only updating because I'm off school sick. –shifteh eyes- No, really, I am sick. Anyways, I'm gunna do something I've _never_ done before! **

…**I'm going to tell you I own Harry Potter!**

…**not really. I'm gunna do a review response corner!**

**Lemo: Yeah, nobody likes salmon, it's okay. But in this story, Andy does. SHE DOES, DAMMIT! DON'T QUESTION MY AUTHORITY! –twitch- Oh, and I dunno why that lady was crying. Maybe she had problems or something… -shrug-**

**Redflower Fox: I'm sorry it was too short! I was running out of time, y'see, and yeah. Well, that's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it. And YOU DIE LAUGHING! Noooo! If you DIE LAUGHING then you can't read my story! Oh, and the little thingies on my profile thingy were emailed to me by Lemo, so if you ask nicely, she might tell you where she got them from. **

**Andy: I know you're going to review soon, because you love me. And I love you. Awwww.**

**To all the other people who read, but didn't review: I LOVE YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN'T REVIEW! **

**Disclaimer – I don't own blah, blah, blah, blah, etc. etc. I also don't own the others. I do Cheesy, and this plot. Steal this plot, I will kill you! **

…**I'm not actually one hundred percent of what this plot is, though…**

_**The Misadventures of Poopie McGee**_

**_CHAPTER 8 – A Message From Dumbles_**

"Y'know, Poopie, I just realized something…" Lemo said. Cheesy and Andy gasped, and Poopie raised an eyebrow.

"Is that a… bad thing?" he asked.

"Yes! Lemo _never _uses her brain!" Cheesy said.

"She _never_ realizes _anything_!" Andy added. Lemo tried to look sad, but failed miserably, as the cards had just exploded.

"Thanks guys, that's sweet. Really", Lemo said dryly. "Anyways, no, I've just noticed that you hang out with a group of girls, and you live with Harry. And Harry seems like the possessive type. The type to get jealous when a friend makes new friends."

"Yeah, I noticed that, too", Andy commented thoughtfully.

"Did you see him throw a spasm when Ron was making friends with Neville?" Cheesy asked, trying not to laugh. "_That_ was awesome!"

"Well, Harry _is _the possessive type. Before we came here, he hadn't gotten his admittance letter, but I had, and he practically told me to be a loner…" Poopie said. Lemo and Andy exchanged looks as Cheesy threw their cards in a second years face.

"FIFTY-TWO PICKUP!" she shouted, before running away.

An hour or so later, Cheesy met up with them in the Great Hall, a piece of paper in her hands. "It's a message from Dumbles!" she said excitedly.

"He's about to speak, Cheesy, so I have a feeling it's the same message…" Andy said. Cheesy looked sadly at her piece of paper,

"Oh…"

"Good evening students of Hogwarts!" Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling.

"Do you think those eyes are real?" Poopie asked.

"Dunno… they seem to twinkle a lot, don't they?" Andy said.

"When he's asleep…" Lemo said, looking maniacal, "We'll _steal them_!"

And so, the four friends burst into evil laughter, only stopping when Dumbledore started talking again. "Now, as some of you may have noticed, I have put messages up over the school. I see Miss Kently has one in her hands right now", Dumbledore said. The students turned to look at Cheesy, who had stood up, and was waving her piece of paper around like a flag. "I expect you're all wondering what that piece of paper says", Dumbledore continued. "Well, it merely states that flying lessons for first years will begin in a week from now. Before you –"

Dumbledore was interrupted by Lemo, Andy and Cheesy who had all jumped up, and were dancing… well actually, they were just hopping around on one leg. "WE'RE GUNNA BE FLYING!" the three girls shouted happily. "FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNG!"

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "If I may continue, girls?"

"Oh.. um…"

"Err…"

"Go right ahead, Dumbles!" Lemo said cheerfully. "Oh, and did you get that box of Lemon Drops I sent you this morning?"

"Why yes I did, Leah. Thank you very much! I must say, I was quite surprised when I received mail from a student. Usually I just receive crap from the Ministry. It's always Fudge asking for help and crap like that."

The students were staring at Dumbledore in shock. Dumbledore cleared his throat nervously. "Err… ahem… just forget I said that…" Dumbledore said. It was clear, however, that the students wouldn't forget what he had said. So, Dumbledore did something drastic. He stripped down to his boxers.

…just kidding. Honestly, I wouldn't put that horribly mental image in people's minds! Oh wait… I already did. Anyways…

Dumbledore pulled out his wand, and muttered a spell which made everyone forget what he had said about the Ministry and Fudge. "Anyway, as I was saying, before the first years start their flying lessons, they must know a few things. _No_ first year is to fly without a teacher present. _No_ student is to break into the broom closet with a friend or enemy, lock the door, and get involved in some steamy sex scenes." His eyes rested on Harry and Draco when he said the last part. Both boys looked at each other, and blushed, before both looking at the table. Lemo had watched this through narrowed eyes, something snapping in the back of her mind.

**XxXxXxXxXxX**

"Aaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnddddddddyyyyy! Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesy!" Lemo whispered softly that night.

"What the fuck, Lemo?" Cheesy said groggily, opening her eyes. "It's fucking late at night and I want to fucking sleep. What the fuck do you want?"

"Stop swearing, Cheesy. It's bad for your health…" Andy said as she, too, sat up.

"Pfft… bad for my health my ass…" Cheesy muttered.

"Both of you shut up before you wake up the Know-it-all bitch!" Lemo said. No offence to any Hermione-lovers out there…

"Yeah whatever", Cheesy muttered. "What's up?"

"I think I have something figured out", Lemo said.

"You woke me up for _that_!" Cheesy said angrily, but Andy shushed her.

"What have you figured out?" she asked. Lemo shifted her eyes.

"Not here. We have some stalking to do…"

This cheered Cheesy up, as she loved stalking people almost as much as Andy loved swimming with salmon. "Let's go!" Cheesy said happily. And so, the three friends ran out of their room, out of the Common Room, and into the halls, where they saw Harry and Draco slipping into a broom closet.

Cheesy and Andy gasped, but Lemo shushed them as they moved closer to the closet door. "Draco, I can't sneak around like this anymore", came Harry's voice from within the closet.

"So what? You want to tell everyone?" Draco asked.

"I don't want to, but don't you think our friends deserve to know?"

"Quite frankly, Harry, no I don't think they deserve to know. This is what _we_ enjoy doing! So _we_ get to keep it to ourselves!"

"What if they find out? They'll be _really_ pissed off!"

"Harry! Don't you _ever_ say that again! I don't _care_ if they're pissed off! As long as you and I are happy, that's all that matters!"

"Oh no, Draco! It spilt!"

"What? Ack! No! Quickly Harry, clean it up!"

"I can't find the cloth!"

"Then lick it up!"

"We don't know _what's_ been on that floor!"

"Hurry up and get rid of it! It's about to go under the door!"

"Crap!"

There was the sound of shuffling, and then a gentle _thud_ on the door. Lemo, Andy and Cheesy exchanged looks of horror. Draco and Harry let out simultaneous sighs of relief. "It's safe", Harry said.

Cheesy had started backing away from the door, and pretty soon, Lemo and Andy were following her. Before they could get to the portrait hole, the closet door opened, and two very sweaty boys stepped out. Harry waved goodbye to Draco, and started towards the portrait hole, stopping when he saw Lemo, Cheesy and Andy, all with identical looks of horror on their faces. "Wait – it's not what you think!" Harry said. Before he could say anymore, Lemo, Cheesy and Andy had entered the Common Room at lightning speed.

**XxXxXxXxX**

The next morning found Cheesy, Lemo and Andy in the Great Hall telling Poopie what they had heard the night before. "It was _so gross_!" Lemo finished, as Andy and Cheesy both took shaky drinks of their pumpkin juice. A disgusted look came across Poopie's face.

"I knew Harry had problems, but I didn't know he was _gay_!"

"I'm not gay!" Harry said as he and Ron walked over. Cheesy and Andy dropped their glasses of pumpkin juice, and Lemo, who felt left out, picked up her own glass, and dropped it.

"Then if your not gay, what were you doing last night!" Poopie asked. Harry cast a nervous look at the Slytherin table, before looking back at Poopie and co.

"…I can't tell you that…" he said. Poopie raised his eyebrows.

"Then I'll just go on thinking your gay."

"So will we!" Lemo, Cheesy and Andy chorused. Harry looked like he wanted to say something, but Ron pushed him further down the table, saying,

"Let it go, mate…"

The four friends ate breakfast happily, and were even happier when the post arrived. "Wheeeeeeeeee! Look Lemo! Look Andy! Look Poopie! EMU sent me some sparkles for Sparkles!" Cheesy said happily. "Oooh! And she sent me some fudge!"

"Lucky!" Andy said. "All I got was this giant box of candy…"

Suddenly, Lemo let out a loud gasp, causing Poopie, Andy and Cheesy to look at her. "What? What's wrong?" Poopie asked urgently, whilst Andy and Cheesy fanned their friend.

"I… got… POCKY!" Lemo screamed happily, holding the pocky up for everyone to see. "I LOVE YOU BOB AND MUMBOB! Don't love Piggy, though. He annoys me."

"…Piggy?" Poopie repeated.

"Lemo's brother. He's an annoying little pig!" Cheesy said.

"But he brought us ice blocks!" Andy protested.

"Piggy's are good for one thing – bringing ice blocks" Lemo said.

**A/N – FINISHED THE CHAPTER! YAAAAAAAAY! I hope this was long enough for you, Redflower Fox. Honestly, my imagination just DIED! It was all like "I'm gunna die now, kay?" and I was all like "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I dropped to my knees and everyone!**

**Aaaand I'm over it… hope you enjoyed reading it.**

**Love ya, lovelies!**

**CtC**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N – So I took a little longer than I thought I would to update. It's not my fault I had school! Anyways, it's only been five days! I updated on Wednesday, remember? I couldn't update Thursday because I still felt sick, and I didn't update yesterday, because I was being lazy and couldn't be bothered. I was also attempting to clean my room yesterday. Surprisingly, my half-assed attempts don't look all that bad! **

…**anyways…**

**Disclaimer – I don't own Harry Potter and co. nor do I own Lemo, Andy, Winston, Mince Sauce and/or Poopie McGee. Cheesy is me, I am her, etc. Sparkles is my mindless slave, came from _my_ imagination and stuff, so yeah… ALSO I don't own Muffin who is appearing in this chapter. YAAAY!**

_**The Misadventures of Poopie McGee**_

_**CHAPTER 9 – Flying Lessons**_

It was the day that the first year Gryffindor's and Slytherin's would start their flying lessons. Lemo, Andy and Cheesy were all excited, and spent most of their time bragging about how they already had their own brooms that made cake. Everyone suspected that they were lying about the cake part, but nobody was game enough to stand up to them. Poopie spent most of his time with Lemo, Andy and Cheesy, seeing as they _were_ friends, and yeah…

The day found them in their first class, which was Transfiguration. The class had been asked to split into pairs, so Poopie and Lemo had gone together, whilst Andy and Cheesy sat near them. Their task was to transfigure a toothpick into a needle, and so far, only Hermione Granger (who was the only person without a partner, funnily enough…) had managed to get her toothpick silver-looking. Poopie and Lemo had given their toothpick a sharper point, and Andy and Cheesy had snapped their toothpick in half in frustration.

Professor McGonagall sighed at her students. She was considering moving Hermione up a grade, seeing as she was the best. Lemo, Cheesy and Andy, however, were failing almost all of their classes. Cheesy had found a love for Potions, and was passing in that. She seemed to be the only Gryffindor Professor Snape was fair to. Lemo, surprisingly, was passing Transfiguration with flying colours. The class Andy was passing was Defense Against the Dark Arts. This had surprised, and angered Harry. Not only had the three stolen his best friend from him, but Andy was actually _better_ than Harry at DADA!

Lemo suddenly let out an excited squeal. "IT'S A NEEDLE! POOPIE AND I DID IT! WE TURNED THE TOOTHPICK INTO A NEEDLE! BEFORE HERMIONE I'M-A-KNOW-IT-ALL-BITCH GRANGER DID!" she screamed. Poopie, however, just stared at his friend boredly. Cheesy and Andy crossed their arms, proceeding to pout. Hermione stared at Lemo with a look of anger on her face. _Nobody_ was better than she was in classes! _Nobody_! Lemo would… _pay_! Hermione reached for her wand. All she could see was red. She felt like strangling Lemo. But no, a nice spell would work… lifting her wand, Hermione pointed it directly at Lemo, who was doing a victory dance after just being awarded one hundred house points for being the… well, smartest in the class. Hermione opened her mouth, and screamed,

"_STUPEFY_!"

Cheesy and Andy reacted quickly, jumping to their feet and shouting,

"_PROTEGO_!"

Hermione's spell rebounded away from Lemo, who was staring at Hermione. "Professor McGonagall…" Lemo started, "…HERMIONE THE-KNOW-IT-ALL-BITCH GRANGER JUST TRIED TO KILL ME!"

"Lemo… she tried to _stun_ you. She would've had to use a _completely_ different spell to kill you…" Andy said. "And besides, she can't be a know-it-all, because she didn't know how to change a toothpick into a needle…"

"But neither did you!" Poopie said.

"Cheesy and I weren't really trying, though", Andy said.

Meanwhile, over the other side of the room, Hermione was receiving the shouting of a lifetime. "_NEVER _IN ALL MY YEARS OF TEACHING HAVE I SEEN A STUDENT ACT THAT WAY BECAUSE ANOTHER STUDENT DID SOMETHING FIRST! HERMIONE GRANGER YOU ARE PASSING MY CLASS ALREADY, AND YOU ARE A VERY BRIGHT STUDENT! WHAT ON _EARTH_ POSSESSED YOU TO TRY TO STUN LEAH!"

Hermione remained silent, glaring at Lemo over McGonagall's shoulder.

"No response. Just as I thought. Fifty points from Gryffindor", McGonagall said. Harry and Ron started protesting at once.

"Professor-!"

"Your own house-!"

"It may be my own house but I do expect the students _in_ my house to be respectful towards each other! Sit down the both of you!"

"Lemo –"

"Who?"

"Ugh, sorry Professor. _Leah_ provoked her! She –"

"FIVE POINTS EACH FROM GRYFFINDOR! Now… _sit your freakin' ass down_!"

Harry and Ron fell silent, both sitting in their seats.

"Thanks for trying…" Hermione muttered, still glaring at Lemo.

**XxXxXxXxX**

The next class, to Cheesy's delight, was Potions.

"You will be making a small Sleeping Draught. It will be strong enough to put your victim… I mean, _partner_ to sleep, but it won't be strong enough to keep their dreams away", Snape said. Cheesy squealed happily. Sleeping Draughts were _easy_ for her! "You will be in groups of four. Yes, Mr. Potter, _four_. And – yes, Miss Kently?" Snape asked.

"Do we have to group up with people we don't talk to or don't like? Because I think Hermione is a bit… sensitive, at the moment, and she might try to hex me because I'm better than she is at Potions", Cheesy said. Snape's eyes flicked towards Hermione, before he looked back at Cheesy. "It's true! Hermione tried to stun Lemo in Transfiguration just because Lemo is better at it than Hermione is!"

Snape turned to Lemo. "Is this true, Miss Roberts?" he asked. Lemo started nodding her head.

"If it hadn't been for Cheesy and Andy using their protection spells on me, I'd be DEAD!"

"For the last time, Lemo, she can't kill you with _Stupefy_! She'd have to use a _completely different spell_!" Andy said.

"Andy… don't correct her. Let her believe what she wants to", Poopie said calmly. Andy rolled her eyes in reply.

Snape shook his head. "Regardless of what spell she used, Miss Kently, you will be grouped with Miss Roberts, Miss Rose, and Mr. McGee."

Cheesy, Lemo and Andy all burst into laughter. "He sounds like an old man!"

Snape curled his lip in disdain, and moved on to make the other groups.

Andy, Poopie, Lemo and Cheesy stood up to get their supplies from the supplies closet.

A few minutes later, they returned to their seats. "Alright Cheesy, what do we do?" Lemo asked. Cheesy just smiled and said,

"Sit back and enjoy the show, Lemo."

So that's exactly what Lemo did. She even had Poopie whip up a bowl of popcorn, which Poopie did only too happily, whilst Harry watched on in jealousy. Jeez, Harry needs to get over Poopie…

Anyways, back to Poopie, Lemo, Andy and Cheesy…

Cheesy was working fast, and hard, and required no help from Poopie, Lemo or Andy. Occasionally she'd ask them to hand her something, and they would, and then that would be the end of things.

A few minutes passed, and finally, Cheesy turned away from the cauldron. "DONE!"

Lemo, Andy and Poopie cheered for their friend, before looking at Hermione, who was glaring daggers at Cheesy. That was _two_ classes she had been beaten at. Hermione raised her wand, about to say a spell, but was stopped by Snape. "Is there a _problem_, Miss Granger?" Snape asked. "Or were you just planning on hexing my star pupil for no reason?"

Hermione blushed, lowering her wand. "No, Sir, I was just –"

"She was just showing us how clean her wand is", Ron said, he and Harry stepping beside Hermione. Snape's lip curled in disdain.

"Save it for _after_ my class, Miss Granger."

"Yes, Professor."

Cheesy, Lemo and Andy laughed, whilst Poopie and Harry had a glaring match across the room.

**XxXxXxXx**

The next class, the last class before they would start their flying lessons, was Defense Against the Dark Arts, which Andy was really excited about.

"A-a-all right, s-s-students. Y-y-y-you haven't h-h-had me b-b-b-before, b-b-b-but I am P-p-p-professor Quirrell. This is D-d-d-defense Against the D-d-d-dark Arts, and you are hear to learn exactly t-t-t-that", Quirrell said. Cheesy and Lemo exchanged looks with Poopie, and Andy started writing down notes on the _Expelliarmus_ spell. Lemo leaned over Cheesy to see Andy's book, and was greatly surprised at the amount of writing Andy had already done. "He hasn't even _said_ any of that!" Lemo said. Andy blinked, looking at Lemo and Cheesy.

"I bet you five chocolate frogs that she made that up", Cheesy said to Lemo.

"And the cards?"

"Cards and all."

"It's a bet! Andy, did you make that up?"

Andy sighed, and pushed a book towards Cheesy, Lemo and Poopie. Poopie picked the book up, flicking through a few pages.

"Andy didn't make any of it up", Poopie announced.

"Ha! Hand over my chocolate frogs, Cheesm!" Lemo said.

"Um… at lunch, I will!" Cheesy said.

"Oh, alright…"

"All right, who would like to d-d-d-demonstrate the _Expelliarmus_ s-s-s-s-spell for me?" Quirrell asked. Andy's hand immediately shot up, as did Hermione's. "All right Miss Rose and Miss Granger. You may d-d-demonstrate the s-s-spell for me."

Andy and Hermione glared at each other, and before Hermione could do anything, Andy raised her wand and shouted,

"_Expelliarmus_!"

Hermione's wand flew out of her hand, and she immediately started glaring at Andy, who was cheering.

"If looks could kill…" Poopie muttered.

"Harry would be a dead man!" Lemo finished cheerily.

"…he would?" Poopie asked, blinking.

"Yeah! Quirrell is _so_ giving him the evils!"

"The… evils…?"

"Evil looks", Andy explained as she came back over.

"Ah…"

**XxXxXxXx**

That day at lunch, Dumbledore had another announcement. Cheesy was ecstatic at this news, as she seemed to _love_ Dumbledore's speeches. She could sit for hours just listening to Dumbledore speak, but unfortunately, he usually just said a few words, and sat down, which made Cheesy rather un-talkative for about five minutes, which was when the food had arrived.

So anyways, standing up at the teacher's table along with the teachers was a girl who had blonde hair with red at the ends, and brown eyes. She looked to be around Cheesy, Lemo, and Andy's age, which was eleven. Poopie, however, was probably waaaaaaay older than that, seeing as he was a vampire and all… I'm getting off subject, aren't I?

–audience nods-

Thought so.

Dumbledore stood up to make his speech, and Cheesy immediately straightened up in her seat, staring at Dumbledore. Lemo, Andy and Poopie suspected she had a secret school-girl crush on him, but _ew!_ That would be GROSS!

"Students, I would like to welcome a new student to the school. She has just come from that French school, and will be staying with us for the rest of her, and your, school years. Please give a warm welcome to Kelsey!" Dumbledore said. The Great Hall erupted into applause, and surprisingly, the Slytherin (boys) joined in.

"Kelsey, if you would please sit on this stool, and put this hat on your head…" McGonagall said.

"Why? Is it some sort of public humiliation that I have to endure before I get put into my house?" Kelsey asked.

"The hat will sort you into your house…" McGonagall said.

"How is a _hat_ going to do that?"

"…it can talk…"

"Silly old lady! Hats can't talk!"

"GET THE DAMN HAT ON YOUR HEAD!"

Kelsey rolled her eyes, and muttered,

"That's all you had to say…"

She sat down on the stool, and shoved the hat on her head, waiting patiently for it to talk.

"…_who the hell are you? Why was I woken up a year early? The little shits aren't supposed to be here until next year!" _the hat said.

Kelsey blinked. So the hat really _did_ talk… "Erm… I need to be Sorted… I just came to this school…" she said. Oh how weird it felt talking to a _hat_. The only inanimate object _she_ had ever spoken to was her vacuum cleaner, which she had named Frank.

"_Oh everyone needs to be Sorted at one stage… girl, what makes you different? Suuuure you're new. That's what Steve the Armor said when he first came here._"

"…Steve's an armor?"

"_Yes, and a bloody annoying one at that. Not once in my life have I ever met a suit of armor as annoying as Steve. All he does is talk about his days as a second-rate model. He was voted Sexiest Armor in his class, you know._"

"Erm… can I be Sorted now?"

"_What? Oh… sure… I mean, why would anybody want to talk to a hat? Man I'm lonely…_"

"Oh, it's not that I don't want to talk to you, it's just… I'm _really_ hungry."

"_Oh, alright… well, I guess you can go in…_ GRYFFINDOR!"

McGonagall's eyes widened. "Aw man…"

"Something wrong, Minerva?" asked twinkly-eyed Dumbledore.

"What? Oh, no, nothing's wrong, Albus. I'm fine, you're fine… it's not like a group of Death Eater's are suddenly going to ransack the place…"

Dumbledore's eyes continued to twinkle, though they seemed to be more twinkly than usual.

Meanwhile, back at the Gryffindor table…

"Hi! I'm Muffin!" Kelsey… err _Muffin _said brightly, standing behind Cheesy, Lemo, Andy and Poopie.

"…didn't McGonagall call you Kelsey?" Poopie asked.

"Yes, but I hate that name. You guys can call me Muffin!"

"Muffin?" Cheesy said, her eyes twinkling like Dumbledore's (Andy and Lemo suspected she had been practicing), "I like muffins!"

"Why do we gotta call you Muffin? Why not Cupcake?" Lemo said.

"Pumpkin?" Andy added.

"Sweet Potato?" Poopie chimed in.

"…huh?" Muffin asked.

"Well, you _did_ say your name was Muffin. Men call their wives 'Muffin'", Andy said.

"Oh!" Muffin laughed.

"Men also call their wives Pumpkin, Cupcake and/or Sweet Potato", Lemo added.

"Sit down, Muffin!" Cheesy said, "We have _much_ to discuss!"

And that was how Muffin became their friend…

Oh, and Poopie started sulking, saying they needed more guys around.

"Well, we _could_ become friends with Harry and Ron again…" Lemo said.

"No! being the only guy is fine with me!" Poopie said, horrified.

And so, the group ate their lunch happily…

**XxXxXxXxX**

"Good morning students!" said Madam Hooch.

"…it's afternoon, Madam…" Muffin said.

"Oh! Oh, right! Of course it is…" Hooch coughed. "Err, my watch must be stuffed up… anyways, WELCOME to your first flying lesson!"

Lemo, Andy, Cheesy and to their surprise, Muffin, started cheering, and Hooch grinned.

"Now, stand on the left side of your broom – no, Longbottom, your _left_. No, that's your _right_. Now you're standing _on_ your broom… that's a boy!" Hooch said. "Stick out your right hand, and say 'Up!'"

Everyone did this. Poopie's, Harry's, Andy's and Muffin's brooms flew into their hands, as did all the Slytherin's. Ron's rolled around a bit, Hermione's had flown off into the Forbidden Forest, Cheesy's was flying around her, and she was giggling happily. Lemo's, however, seemed to have a mind of its own. When Lemo had said 'Up!', the broom had stood up, like it was a human, and was now beating Lemo around the head with the sweeping part of the broom, whilst Lemo screamed.

Cheesy, Andy and Muffin laughed at their friend, and Poopie just examined his nails, making sure there were no more hangnails (he was a suspected queer, but he couldn't help it if he just liked to have perfect nails!). Finally, many bumps and bruises later, the broom stopped beating Lemo up. But Lemo was far too pissed off to let the broom get away with that. Lemo picked up the broom, and slammed it onto the ground. "I'll teach you to fucking beat me up!" Lemo screamed, picking the broom up again, and throwing it at the castle. The broom hit the wall, and fell to the ground, only to have Lemo pick it up again, and throw it at the Whomping Willow. Nobody ever saw that broom again…

"That taught that piece of shit…" Lemo said, before glaring at Andy, Cheesy and Muffin, who were all rolling around on the ground laughing. "Shut up, bitches! You call yourselves my friends!"

She was answered by more laughter…

**A/N – YAY! That was fricken four pages! Longest chapter I've done yet, methinks… anyways, hope you liked it! And Muffin is based _completely_ on my friend Kelsey, who lives in America, so I have _no_ idea what she _actually_ looks like D**

**Love ya, lovelies!**

**CtC**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N – Sorry it took me so long to update. I'm suffering from writer's block _again_. But now I'm back, from outta space… and I don't know the rest of the words.**

**Disclaimer – I don't own Harry Potter and co. nor do I own Poopie, Lemo, Muffin, Andy, Winston, Mince Sauce or the Ravenclaw guys that are gunna be in this chapter. Also, I don't own this idea, Lemo does. But I'm claiming it as my own. Take THAT, Lemo!**

_**The Misadventures of Poopie McGee**_

_**CHAPTER 10 – Trouble in the Great Hall**_

"Alas, it's dinner time!" Dumbledore said. Cheesy sighed happily, staring up at the teacher's table, whilst Lemo attempted to throw food into her open mouth. Muffin and Andy were having a sophisticated discussion about the price of fish, and Poopie was just plain bored, so he decided to complain about it. "Muffin, Andy…" he said. Both girls turned to give him irritated looks.

"If this has nothing to do with the price of fish –" Muffin started.

"Then we're not interested", Andy finished. Poopie sighed.

"Continue on with your discussion…" he said. And so they did. Poopie sighed in exasperation. _Man I'm bored…_ he thought. Finally, Poopie decided to do something about it. Pulling out his wand, he pointed it at the nearest candle, and muttered,

"_Wingardium Leviosa_."

The candle, even though it was already floating, floated higher into the air, and Poopie directed it towards Snape, making it hit him in the face. Snape waved the candle away irritably, but Poopie made it hit him again. The four girls stopped what they were doing to watch Poopie. "Is grease flammable?" Cheesy asked.

"I dunno, but we'll find out…" Lemo said, as Poopie made the candle hit Snape once more. The flame hit Snape's hair, and it burst into flames.

Snape froze for a moment, before he screamed,

"I'M ON FIRE! IT BUUUUUUUUUUURNS! OH THE HORROR! OH THE PAIN! THE PAIN OF IT ALL! OH THE FUNKY HORROR!"

"Severus, calm down!" McGonagall shouted, before saying a spell that made the flames disappear. Snape touched his hair gingerly, before squealing and throwing himself at McGonagall.

"I LOVE YOU! EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE OLD AND UGLY AND YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO DIE SOON, I LOVE YOU" Snape shouted. McGonagall stared at Snape, who was now giving her a lion kiss, which was just rubbing his cheek against hers.

All of the students were staring at Snape and McGonagall. McGonagall was trying her hardest not to blush, and Snape was still giving McGonagall a lion kiss.

And then it started. Muffin snorted. Cheesy giggled. And then, Lemo and Andy burst into laughter, rolling around on their seats. Poopie glanced at them, before edging closer to Nearly Headless Nick, who hasn't been mentioned before now.

**XxXxXxX**

About ten minutes later, the girls had gotten a hold of themselves, and Malfoy had decided to give Poopie a visit. "So, you think it's funny, do you?" Malfoy asked.

"Think what's funny? I'm too busy cowering in fear from your ugliness to find anything funny at the moment", Poopie replied.

"Oooh! Buurn!" Lemo, Cheesy, Andy and Muffin said. Poopie and Malfoy glanced at them weirdly, before looking at each other again.

"I'll teach _you_ to do… whatever it was that you did!" Malfoy said,

"_STUPEFY_!"

"_PROTEGO_!"

"What the – where did you learn _that_!" Malfoy asked, as his spell rebounded off Poopie's shield thingy. Poopie shrugged.

"I was just repeating what Cheesy and Andy said in Transfiguration."

"Oh…"

"Yeah…"

"Carry on, then…"

"I will."

And with that, Malfoy left. Cheesy, Andy and Muffin seemed to have disappeared somewhere, as well.

Lemo picked up her fork, and shoved it into her pumpkin pie. As she did this, the pie exploded, and a lot of spiders came flying out of it. Lemo stared at them for a moment, before clinging to the nearest thing to her.

…which just happened to be Ron.

After a few minutes of staring at the spiders some more, Lemo opened her mouth, and screamed. Loudly. So loud, it sounded like a Banshee. Which, after this day, everybody thought Lemo was, as her scream broke the windows, shattered their glasses, and deafened Neville Longbottom.

**XxXxXxX**

And where were Cheesy, Andy and Muffin during all of this? Well, they were over at the Ravenclaw table, making themselves known with the hotties over there. They were hot _and_ smart. Score one for the Cheeseball!

**A/N – Sorry it was so short. Like I said, writer's block. Anyways, I'll update as soon as possible.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N – The Cheeseball is _back_! Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! –runs around in circles squealing like a little piggeh- Now that I've gotten _that_ out of the way, I'd like to take this time to tell to STOP BEING GAY AND LET ME UPLOAD MY STORIES! Well, it's not _actually_ fault. It's BIGPONDS! THE STUPID TURDS DON'T LET US DO _ANYTHING_! I SHALL BEAT THEM WITH BADLY PLAYED ELVIS MUSIC! –cough- On with the disclaimer thingy-ma-jig-a-bob**

**Disclaimer – I, Cheesy The Cheeseball, do not own any of the _fantabulous_ Harry Potter character's that the _wondrous _J.K Rowling has come up with. Nor do I own the _exquisite _Lemo and Andy. Also, Mince Sauce and Winston are _not_ mine. Neither is Muffin. Or Poopie McGee. BUT Cheesy and Sparkles are MINE! ALL MINE! MY OWN! MY PRECIOUS!**

**I'm over it. On with teh storeh!**

_**The Misadventures of Poopie McGee**_

**_CHAPTER 11 – A Big Ass Troll Traps Hermione In The Toilet_**

The next few months passed without a fuss. It was now Halloween, and Cheesy, Lemo, Andy and Muffin couldn't be happier.

a) It was Halloween, so they could play practical jokes without getting into trouble and

b) It was – ironically – Poopie's birthday, so they could shower him with gifts. Well, one gift each. So that was four gifts.

Oh, did I say it _was_ Halloween? Well, I meant it was the day _before_ Halloween. Andy, Lemo, Cheesy and Muffin had lost Poopie when he said he needed some time alone. The girls thought this was the _perfect_ time to see Dumbledore in his office.

So off the girls went. Soon, they were standing in front of that thingy that guards Dumbledore's office until you said the password.

"Umm… Elmo?" Muffin said, trying to guess the password. Andy and Cheesy stared at her.

"Who the _fuck_ is Elmo?" Andy asked.

"Is he some sort of bum-rapist?" Cheesy asked.

"Elmo is this red dude on Sesame Street. Wait… you _know_ who Elmo is! We watched Sesame Street that time!" Lemo said.

"Oh, _him_…" Cheesy said.

"Is he the one that talks to his rubber ducky?" Andy asked.

"No, that's Ernie", Muffin said.

"Umm… Pickle Pie?" Cheesy said.

"Licorice Snaps!" Andy tried.

"LEMON DROPS!" Lemo screamed.

The statue jumped to life, and moved aside saying,

"Lucky guess, bitch…"

Lemo blinked. "Did that thing just call me a bitch?"

"Let it go, Lemo", Muffin said.

"No, I will _not_ let it go! It just called me a _bitch_!"

Cheesy and Andy grabbed both of Lemo's arms, and dragged her into Dumbledore's office.

"Hello, girls", Dumbledore said calmly, as though he had known they were coming.

"'Lo Dumbles!" Lemo said cheerfully. "Didja get my Lemon Drops this morning?"

"Yes, I was quite pleased, as you haven't sent them in a while. I'd thought you'd forgotten about me."

"Sorry Dumbles. Cheesy and Andy went on a Lemon Drop diet for two months", Lemo said, glaring at her friends, who just smiled.

"I see… well girls, I would like to know why you are up here", Dumbledore said.

"Well you see, Dumbles, tomorrow is Poopie's birthday, and we kinda wanted to get him a present of some sort", Andy said.

"_I_ said we should sing to him, but _those_ two don't wanna!" Cheesy said. "Muffin was all for the idea!"

"We _told_ you, Cheesy! You have a _horrible_ singing voice!" Lemo said. Cheesy crossed her arms and pouted as Dumbledore thought about their question/request thingy.

"Well, girls, I think I can arrange a Hogsmeade trip for you –"

"TODAY!" Andy said.

"RIGHT NOW!" Muffin added.

"Right, well, I think I can ask Professor Snape to supervise you… I'm sure he will, as Rianna _is_ his star pupil…"

Cheesy stopped pouting, and put on her 'award-winning' smile. "I do what I can, Albus. I'm just thinking of the… Cheese People."

"Indeed. Well, be back here in an hour."

**XxXxXxX**

An hour later, the four girls, and Snape, were in Hogsmeade. "Alright Snapey, I'll make a deal with you", Cheesy said.

"I don't do deals, Miss Kently", Snape said.

"Alright… well how's about you go get drunk off of ButterBeer, and we'll meet you at the Three Broomsticks in an hour and a half?"

"Done. I assume you're paying…?"

"What? No! Greedy little bastard!" Cheesy said as Snape walked away chuckling to himself.

"Where to first?" Lemo asked.

"Somewhere that sells… vampire stuff!" Muffin said.

"TO THE SHOP!" Andy said, pointing.

"AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Cheesy added.

**XxXxXxX**

"…do vampires eat pie?" Lemo asked.

"For the last time, Lemo, _NO_!" Cheesy, Muffin and Andy shouted.

Lemo rolled her eyes and held up the pie she was talking about. "What if it's a _blood_ pie?"

"Oh, then I guess that's different…" Cheesy said. Lemo grinned, and the four girls went to purchase their products.

**XxXxXxX**

At lunch that day, Dumbledore – to Cheesy's excitement – had an announcement to make. "Now, a number of people have been asking me about Quidditch", Dumbledore started. "And I would like to take this opportunity to let you know that as of next year, there will be on team from each year level. So there will be a first year team, second year team, et cetera. There will be no Quidditch this year."

Cheesy, Lemo and Andy screamed happily, whilst Poopie looked bored, and Muffin looked on in confusion. "Quidditch? What's that?" she asked. A little way down the table, Harry had just asked Ron the same thing.

"Let me explain…" Cheesy said, but Lemo and Andy stopped her.

"You explain _everything_!" Andy said.

"YEAH! I wanna explain!" Lemo added.

"Go right ahead."

"It's a sport", Lemo said.

"…way to be blunt…"

**XxXxXxX**

The day passed quickly, and soon, everybody was in bed. Everybody except Lemo, Cheesy, Poopie, Andy, Muffin, Harry and Ron, of course. Lemo and Ron had gotten sick of having a glaring match, so the two decided to take their anger out on each other by playing a game of chess. Poopie and Harry were attempting to do their homework, and Andy, Cheesy and Muffin were happily squealing over the Ravenclaw hotties they had scored themselves. "So Andy, what was the name of the guy you scored?" Cheesy asked.

"Matt Something-or-other", Andy replied casually.

"…is 'Something-or-other' his _real_ last name?"

"No, I didn't catch his actual last name. I was too busy basking in his hotness."

"Righto… hey Muffin, who did _you_ get?"

"I dunno. I think he said his name was Nick. Maybe it was Dick… I can't remember", Muffin said. "I, too, was too busy basking in his hotness."

"What was the name of the guy _you_ scored?" Andy asked Cheesy.

"Cameron, or something", Cheesy replied.

"Well, whilst _you_ three were busy hooking up with Ravenclaw hotties, _I _almost died!" Lemo said.

"Uh-huh…" Andy said.

"And how did _this_ happen?" Muffin asked.

"My pumpkin pie exploded!" Lemo exclaimed. "And it was full of _spiders_!"

Cheesy and Muffin started laughing, Lemo eyeing them suspiciously.

"What are _you_ laughing at?" she asked. Muffin and Cheesy waved their hands towards Andy, asking her to explain.

Andy cleared her throat. "Well, whilst we were talking to our new boyfriends, we asked them how smart they were, and they replied with 'How smart do you _think_ we are?' So Cheesy asked them, 'Are you smart enough to put spider's in Lemo's pumpkin pie?' Of course, they didn't know who the fuck she were talking about, so Muffin and I pointed you out. So, to prove their smartness, the guys got their wands, said some random spell, and _voila_! Your pie was filled with spiders!"

"Oh, and by the way, Lemo, you and Ron don't make a good couple", Poopie commented from behind his Potions book. Lemo blushed, and Muffin, Cheesy and Andy cracked up.

**XxXxXxX**

The next day, Lemo spent her time ignoring her friends. She stopped ignoring Poopie long enough to give him his birthday present. "Happy birthday, Poopie", Lemo said stiffly.

"Thank you, Lemo", Poopie said, grinning as he took his present from Lemo. He opened it, and his eyes lit up happily. "A blood pie. How thoughtful."

Lemo smirked at Muffin, Cheesy and Andy, before turning on her heel and walking away.

"Ah, she'll come back. She always does", Andy said, before handing Poopie her present. Muffin and Cheesy gave him their presents as well. Poopie opened Muffin's present to find a few bags filled with blood.

"Thanks, Muffin. What made you get me blood?" Poopie asked.

"Vampires drink blood, correct?" Muffin asked, and Poopie nodded, "Well, seeing as you can't drink any of the students' blood, I thought it was appropriate to get you some blood."

Poopie nodded, and opened his next present, which was from Andy. "Underwear", he said.

"Not just _any_ underwear!" Andy said happily. "It's _red_ underwear!"

Cheesy took the underwear from Poopie, and burst into a fit of giggles. "It says 'Hot Stuff' on the butt in flames!"

Muffin took the underwear from Cheesy. "Do you think Poopie's hot, Andy?"

"No. I just think they suited him", Andy said dryly.

"Thank you, Andy", Poopie said, taking the underwear back from Muffin, and opening his last present. "A face mask?"

Cheesy grinned. "It gets rid of pimples, and I noticed you're starting to get a _lot _of them", she said. Poopie nodded, and with a wave of his wand, his presents were all safely in his room. The four friends started to eat their breakfast, which was interrupted by the Great Halls being thrown open, and Professor Quirrel running in with a rather scared expression on his face.

"T-t-t-t-troll! In the dungeon!" he shouted, stopping at the teacher's table. "Thought you ought to know…" And with that, the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher fainted. The students started to panic, and Malfoy, Poopie noticed with satisfaction, was screaming like a little school girl.

"SILENCE!" Dumbledore roared. Cheesy squealed happily, and clapped her hands over Muffin's and Andy's mouths to shut them up. Poopie looked at her questioningly.

"If I had a third hand, I'd put it over your mouth, but unfortunately, I don't", Cheesy said.

"Now that we're all settled, you will remain calm. Prefects, you will accompany the students to your common rooms. Teachers, you will accompany me to the dungeons to take care of this troll", Dumbledore said. "Students, you will _not_ leave your common rooms until I have given the all-clear. Understood?"

There was a murmur of agreement, and everybody started towards their common rooms. Poopie looked around, frowning. "Where's Hermione?" he questioned.

"I heard the Know-It-All bitch was in the bathrooms, crying because Ron was teasing her, or something", Andy said.

"We have to get her. She doesn't know about the troll."

"But… she's not our friend!" Cheesy whined.

"I don't care! She's still in Gryffindor, and Gryffindorian's have to stick together!" Poopie said.

"Oh, fine… let's get Lemo, and we'll go find the Know-It-All bitch…" Muffin said.

"Find me? Puh-lease. I came as soon as I saw Poopie frown", Lemo said. Cheesy squealed and threw her arms around Lemo.

"Never _ever_ leave us again!" she said. Lemo rolled her eyes, and the group set off towards the girls toilets.

**XxXxX**

"Lock it in! Lock it in!" Cheesy shouted, jumping up and down. They had found the troll, and were now trying to lock it into a room. Poopie slammed the door shut, and dusted his hands off.

"There. Stupid troll can't get out now", he said. Suddenly, a loud scream came from inside the room.

"Uhh.. what room did you lock it in, Poopie?" Lemo asked. Poopie checked the sign, and sighed.

"Oh for the love of fuck…" he muttered, and opened the door again. "Hermione!"  
"Poopie?"

"Yeah, it's me. Stay hidden! The troll's in there with you!"

"No, really? I never knew that! I thought it was Millicent Bulstrode!" Hermione said dryly.

"Well, it's a simple mistake to make", Andy said thoughtfully. "Millicent _does _look like a troll…"

"Stop thinking about Millicent Bulstrode and help me!" Hermione, who was now trapped underneath a sink, shouted.

"Fine, fine…" Andy muttered. She, along with Poopie, Muffin, Cheesy and Lemo, entered the bathroom.

"What do we do now?" Muffin asked.

"Throw stuff at it!" Lemo said. Cheesy picked up a bit of the sink, and threw it at the troll.

"Hey! Millicent!" she shouted.

"Uh, Cheesy, it's _not_ Millicent…" Hermione said.

"I _know_! I just called it Millicent, you idiot!" Cheesy said.

"Oh this is getting us _nowhere_!" Poopie shouted, and whipped out his wand, saying the first spell that popped into his head. "_Wingardium Leviosa_!"

The troll's club flew out of the troll's hand, and hit it in the head. Muffin and Lemo screamed, hurrying out of the way as the troll fell onto the ground. And, right at that moment, the teachers decided to arrive.

"What the _hell_ is going on in here!" McGonagall asked.

"I believe the answer is lying on the floor in front of you, Minerva", Snape said.

"…_who did this_?" McGonagall asked, looking pissed.

"The wonderful wizard of Oz…" Poopie said flatly. "Who do you _think_ did it? Do you see anybody _else_ in here?"

"Language, Mr. McGee!" McGonagall said.

"Whatever."

"Five points each from Gryffindor", Snape said.

"Tut tut, Severus, I believe this is _my_ house", McGonagall said, "So I believe _I_ will take and give points as I see fit. All your points will be given back, as well as an extra twenty, for sheer… well, dumb luck."

"Who are you calling 'dumb', bitch?" Cheesy asked. Lemo, Andy, Poopie and Muffin sighed.

**A/N – Okay, it was crap, I know, but don't kill me, please! I'm _so_ losing interest in this. I need ideas, people! GIVE ME IDEAS! Read and review. Thanks.**

**CtC**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N – Okay, I know it's been a while, and I'm sorry! I got an idea for Poopie McGee, though. This will only be a short chapter, however. Don't kill me!**

**Disclaimer – I, Cheesy The Cheeseball, do not own any of the _fantabulous_ Harry Potter character's that the _wondrous _J.K Rowling has come up with. Nor do I own the _exquisite _Lemo and Andy. Also, Mince Sauce and Winston are _not_ mine. Neither is Muffin. Or Poopie McGee. BUT Cheesy and Sparkles are MINE! ALL MINE! MY OWN! MY PRECIOUS!**

_**The Misadventures of Poopie McGee**_

_**CHAPTER 12 – Poopie and Friends get a Visit from the Dark Lord Voldemort**_

It was a stormy Saturday night, which found Poopie, Lemo, Andy and Cheesy in an empty classroom. What are they doing in there, you ask? Well, I have no idea. But it's probably got something to do with their wacky misadventures! Anywho…

"Poopie, I'm bored", Lemo said.

"So am I", Poopie said.

"Me too!" Cheesy said.

"Me seven", Andy added.

There was a flash of lightning, and then, out of the blue, some evil music started playing. You know the music that plays whenever Darth Vader is around? I think it's called the Imperial March or something… anywho, that's what started playing. The classroom door slowly opened, and in stepped Professor Quirrel.

"Hey, you're that teacher. You know. The one that stutters all the time!" Andy said.

"Oh, well spotted, Andy…" Lemo said flatly.

"My master wishes to speak with you", Quirrel said. The group blinked.

"Hey… don't you usually stutter or something?" Cheesy asked.

"That is all a disguise", Quirrel said, "Now be quiet whilst I reveal my master!"

And so, he started to unwind the turban thingy on his head. The group had fallen deathly ill. Silent. Sorry.

Finally, the turban was removed, and Quirrel turned around, so the back of his head was facing the group. But, the back of Quirrel's head wasn't the back of his head at all! It was another face!

"Ewww…" Cheesy said.

"Gross…" Poopie agreed.

"Ssssilence", the face said.

"Hey, you're that guy that wants to kill Harry! Lord Mouldy-wart or something…" Poopie said. The face frowned.

"Lord Voldemort isss my name", he said.

"Whatever. I'll still kill you", Poopie said, picking up a knife and pointing it at Voldemort. "Stabby, stabby!"

"Wait! Stop!" Voldemort said.

"What?" Poopie stopped, still pointing the knife at Voldemort.

"Why not… join me? We can kill Potter together. All of you can join! You can all become my Death Eaters!"

"…Death Eaters? Do they eat death?" Lemo asked.

Poopie turned back to face his friends, and they had a small discussion, before Poopie turned back to face Voldemort.

"So… you gunna join me?" Voldemort asked.

"Sure. Why not?" Poopie said.

"…do I get a gun?" Lemo asked.

"Yes", Voldemort said.

"Will I be… THE FURY!" Lemo shouted.

"Err… sure, I guess…"

"Alrighty then. I'm in."

"Me to!" Cheesy said.

"Me seven!" Andy added.

**A/N – Eh, it wasn't that great… but it was an idea that came to me this morning… so yeah… I had to write it. You know what, shut up! Read and review! Smiles! **

**CtC**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N – Cheeseh's back! With more storeh! YAY!**

**Disclaimer – I, Cheesy The Cheeseball, do not own any of the _fantabulous_ Harry Potter character's that the _wondrous _J.K Rowling has come up with. Nor do I own the _exquisite _Lemo and Andy. Also, Mince Sauce and Winston are _not_ mine. Neither is Muffin. Or Poopie McGee. BUT Cheesy and Sparkles are MINE! ALL MINE! MY OWN! MY PRECIOUS!**

_**The Misadventures of Poopie McGee**_

_**CHAPTER 13 – Moving to Slytherin**_

After becoming Death Eaters, Poopie and friends decided it wasn't right of them to remain in Gryffindor. Fortunately, Voldemort felt the same way, and that afternoon, they had a short meeting with Dumbledore.

"You see, Albus", Voldemort started, "These four _charming_ students have recently decided to become Death Eaters."

Dumbledore looked at Poopie and friends. "Is this true, students? Have you become Death Eaters?"

The four nodded.

"I get a gun!" Lemo said excitedly.

"Well, I suppose I can do something about that…" Dumbledore said, "I suppose I can move you to Slytherin. Is that what you want? Do you want to move to Slytherin? Who's a good student then? Who's a-"

Okay, sorry, that was a bit out of character for Dumbledore.

"Yes, Albus, I would very much like for my Junior Deathy's to be moved to Slytherin, where they will learn the way of the snake", Voldemort said.

"I like snakes…" Cheesy said whilst Andy, Lemo and Poopie nodded in agreement.

"Well, put the Sorting Hat on-"

"NEVER!" Andy shrieked, jumping out of her seat. The seat was knocked over in the process. "That hat is nothing but trouble! TROUBLE I TELLS YOU! It wants nothing more than to suck our knowledge out of our head! It's planning on TAKING OVER THE WORLD!"

"Hatty, is this true?" Dumbledore asked, placing the hat on his head.

"_Huh? What? I was sleeping… hey… you got a lot of knowledge – I mean, you'll be put in... _GRYFFINDOR!"

Dumbledore smiled. "Amber-"

"Andy", Andy said through gritted teeth.

"Err… Andy, I believe you are just overreacting. Please, put the hat-"

"NO! And you can't make me, either! I'll just move to Slytherin whether you like it or NOT!"

And so, after making that declaration, Andy ran out of Dumbledore's office.

"Oh dear… Rianna, Leah-"

"Our names are Cheesy and Lemo!" Lemo said.

"Yes, Cheesy, Lemo, please follow your friend, and inform her that she can move to Slytherin tonight. The rest of you may do so as well."

"Hoorah", Lemo and Cheesy said, and together, with Poopie, they skipped out of the office.

"Lemon Drop?" Dumbledore said, holding a bowl out to Voldemort.

"Ah, no, thank you Albus", Voldemort said, "I must make sure my Junior Deathy's are comfortable in their new house…"

And with that, Voldemort left.

**A/N – I know, I know, it was short, but it was something! It just came to mind then, so shut up. Review! **


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